Let’s face it, every big breakup feels public. Your family knows, your friends know and it seems like all of Facebook knows, too.
But for actress and producer Torrei Hart, the end of her marriage didn’t just feel public, it was.
Kevin Hart is one of the top movie stars of our era in any genre. Torrei and Kevin were married for almost eight years and are parents to Heaven and Hendrix. When their marriage came crashing to a halt, Torrei felt like everything was over for her.
As Torrei celebrates the exciting launch of her new natural hair care line for Black women, called Heavenly Hart by Nzuri, she reflects on the journey that brought her healing after heartbreak -- with love lessons for us as well.
This story is a part of a Torrei Takeover! Read about her new beauty line here
Torrei’s “Hart” Healing Secret #1: Acknowledge your love rock bottom.
Having marital problems kind of took me out of it for a little while. I went through a very public divorce. I was very withdrawn. I didn’t want to do that has anything to do with the arts at all. I kind of was just like, “I don’t want to be around these people.” Because I started seeing people who said they were my friends; when it came down to alliances and sides being taken, they went with the bigger the star, the person with more money. I kind of moved away. And just took solitude, did a lot of fasting, did a lot of praying and just getting my mind back right so I could be present for my children. That was my goal at that time, just to find my happy again and be a present mom for my kids.
Torrei’s "Hart" Healing Secret #2: Don’t do it alone. Get support.
It was very hard. Sometimes I wasn’t present. I'll be honest. Some days I was just—my mom came out to be with me. I also had my cousin living with me at the time, so she was there to help me. Then I had a few core group of girlfriends who were there for me. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed. There were days where I contemplated suicide. There were days where I just felt like my life was over and those were the days where I just called on help. I said, "Let me be vulnerable enough so that I can seek the help that I need." There were days where I didn’t have the help so I just pushed myself. I just said, "Okay. I got to do this for the children. That's it. I got to be strong for them." And there were times Heaven and Hendrix would be like, "Mom, are you okay?" They could sense it. I’d never cry in front of them. But children, they are very in tune. They knew when mommy was having a great day or when mommy wasn’t having a great day. I would say that between them and my upbringing of bringing of being raised in a very spiritual background and having that to stand on really helped me get through it.
Torrei’s "Hart" Healing Secret #3: Release the bitterness.
It hasn’t been easy. Let's just say that. I don’t know if you saw the reality show, “Atlanta Exes” that I was on. That was a few years ago and I was not in the best place. I was still hurting. I was still going through a lot of healing. A lot of things would come up, how I felt betrayed, how I felt like, "Wow, I gave him my all in my 20's.” I was going through a period of healing. At that time, I didn’t want to co-parent. I didn’t want to deal with him. I didn’t want to deal with the relationship. I didn’t want to deal with any of that. It took me really sitting down and really making a conscious decision that I wanted to get my happy back. Because I have always been a happy go lucky person. I knew I had to do some self-worth work to get there. It wasn’t going to be easy. I had a friend who was Muslim and he was like, "I'm going to fast for Ramadan. Why don’t you just fast with me? You'll have breakthroughs. You'll come put out of this a better person." Now, you're speaking to a person who was raised in a Christian household. And we felt like Christianity is the only way so I was very reluctant to do it. He encouraged me; he said, "Just try it." And I am so thankful that he did because I did the 40-day fast and it was the best thing I ever could have done. I came out of that fast a better person, a different person. It took me on a journey. I continued to pray every day. I dedicated an hour of my time every day to pray, to worshiping God.
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